Sad thoughts

I am listening to the rain. It was cloudy all day, and when I was walking home I saw the horizon being blotted out in that characteristic way. I love the rain, because it makes me feel small, and close, and connected to the world.

But right now I am feeling sad. I have been alone for several days, and while I welcomed the change and the chance to clean and organize my home, I found myself falling into a pattern of oblivious TV watching and overeating. It's not that I didn't need the food, its just that I am stuck in a feeling of not being "good enough" due to the behavior. I'm lucky because I am going to be able to talk to someone about it tomorrow, but it makes me nervous.

Something that I have been thinking about over the past couple of days is what I want out of my life. I feel like my possibilities are collapsing, and I need to get out and do things now, Now! before I am overcome with the responsibilities of adult life. I'm scared that I am going to let opportunities and experiences slip by due to fear and inaction.

This is a little bit of a depressing entry, which is interesting, because I was feeling do positive earlier. I hope that I can work through this now, because this is not the person that I want to be.